I feel like a bit of a fraud creating this page considering I am still on my weight loss journey, but background is helpful when writing a blog.
I was always a chubby child. I remember looking in the mirror, disliking my chubby face. I also remember my mum telling me I was fine, it was puppy fat, it would go away with age. She may have truly believed that, but she was mistaken. It never did, it wasn’t puppy fat, it was the beginnings of years of an unhealthy lifestyle. My diet wasn’t great, I hated exercise, I was always the chubby child, and when I look back at pictures I cringe. I was never huge, but big enough to look overweight.
When I hit my teens (and puberty truly started) I began to think more about my weight, and my morals and life in general. I went vegetarian, much to the ire of my meat eating parents. I decided I would make my own meals, however these were cheese and egg filled meals usually. Regardless of this I lost weight, in fact, when I was around 15 I was the lightest I have ever been in my life, around 9 stone and a size 10. I still thought I was fat but in reality I was probably in the best shape of my life.
I moved out of home and sadly went back to eating meat. I’m not sure why, convenience, going through a hard time mentally, I really wish I hadn’t. The weight started coming on, slowly to begin with, but during pregnancy with my son I really ate for two. It opened the floodgates to a bad habit of binge eating and terrible choices. Not diagnosable, not so bad I felt sick binge eating, but frequent bouts of late evening eating that I still struggle with nowadays. After my son I reached around 14 stone which was horrifying enough, but after my daughter I was around 16 stone. My diet was awful, consisted of huge, high fat meals, too many takeaways, and I hated exercise. I lost site of health, what it even meant. I was tired, depressed, I have psoriasis and this was in a constant flare up, generally I felt awful.
I have yoyo lost weight over the years, three times I had lost three stone. Inevitably, I would cave, and my eating habits would go back to the ways of old, and put back on the weight. Unfortunately each time I was heavier than the previous when I started so I was going nowhere fast. Actually getting heavier and sicker as the years progressed.
I had attended a variety of slimming clubs including Scottish Slimmers and Slimming World, along with a few visits to the dietician. It wasn’t like I didn’t know what to do, I just seemed unable to maintain it in the long term. I told myself I was bad at exercise, just one of those people who hated it and would never change. It was genetic.